You really had me until the “trauma is a gift.” As a sexual assault survivor and parent neglect survivor, I have to say… no. Some things are truly just horrible and should never have happened at all. Have I found my way past it and healed, yes. But I should *never* have had to. Ever. It wasn’t a gift.
You’re right—some things should never have happened. I've experienced similar trauma as you speak of and wrestled for so long over this statement. And I I am so sorry that these things happened to you. The idea that trauma is a “gift” can feel like a betrayal to the part of us that was deeply harmed, the part that never consented, abandoned or violated.
I do not ever honor the acts of trauma itself. ever. I would never wish it on anyone. But I do honor how it offered me a doorway to deeper awakening.
I came to a point in my life where I was so angry over how much trauma stole from me, I decided I'd reclaim it for my good. This is so nuanced and I often still work on how to talk about it.
I want to honor your truth, and the truths of so many women who carry those deep wounds. There is nothing sacred about harm. It was never deserved. And it wasn’t a necessary initiation. It just shouldn’t have happened.
In my post, I was trying to speak to the strength and reclamation that can emerge through it
But I completely receive how harmful it can feel to label the trauma itself as some kind of divine gift.
And how many people are never able to heal… I am so sorry you had to go through so many terrible things and i am happy for you finding your way past it. 🩷
I read this in the week i am starting to get to the regret I feel at 'wasted' years of not being myself, hiding and moulding myself to be acceptable and 'safe'. It could not be more gratefully received. I especially loved what you said about how trauma can be labelled as a gift. I wouldn't even consider mine to be 'bad enough' to label it trauma. And yet it has been life changing and left indelible marks that together with being in peri-meno hell have felt very far from gift like. In fact, I realise in writing this that maybe that's what I have been waiting for, some sort of epiphany that feels totally out of reach! Your reframing is beautifully helpful, thank you x
Clare, I totally resonate with peri-meno hell, as I'm there too! I lived for so long feeling 'robbed of a beautiful life because of things I went through. But that was a belief I held. Shifting my identity, healing my inner child, mind and body, I reprogrammed myself to believe every hard or horrible thing, every disadvantage, was going to become my advantage, my gift. The years of living under a mask and trauma helped me to unapologetically embrace my true self with so much more love, authority, and steadfastness. Those years will be to your advantage, Clare. I know it!! Thank you for your beautiful comment. You're on the cusp of a very powerful place in your life!
Thank you so much Katie. The healing the inner child is proving the tough bit but also the bit that's finally happening and I can feel a growing sense of liberation. I've just read this post again and young Clare thinks you're the best (all the Clares in fact 🤣) 🙏❤️
I appreciate your look at trauma. While I agree I would never wish trauma on anyone it does often a unique strength in ourselves.
Truth is no one gets out of this life without traumas. There are those that sway to acknowledging and healing their traumas. And there are those that sway to ignoring and denying traumas that end up it rippling out to others.
I always say everything in your life happened for your highest good IF you are willing to turn around and really look at it.
Thank you for your comment, MacFinnian. It is such a delicate, nuanced topic that deserves great care. At parts of my healing journey, I couldn't stomach the idea of trauma being anything but horrible. And it is. But it's also a portal, if we can move through that fire, to something so awakened and free. I want all women to know that power and to not be held back by the identity of the trauma. It's a hard conversation and I'm glad you're here.
I’m happy to be here witnessing and unfolding the trauma. I think it’s an important understanding that our trauma happened to us, but our trauma is not who we are. Though it unfolds shadows of protections and insecurities at some level we must fully see the lesson to understand. It’s normally something we never expected.
Wonderful 👍.. I highlight also what you wrote.. "even initiated each other into this vicious cycle".. so as you say.. it requires courage.. and recognizing that it's often fear, comfort, and even the familiarity of being a victim that imprisons.. not to say that the more right sided ego.. let's say male, Is right.. but also does not have it easy.. he may appear to be the cause of suffering.. but probably was never given the opportunity to have an open sensitive heart.. so let's close the gap..both yin and Yang is in us all.. we all need the courage to face our shadows..from whichever lack or conditioning they came from.. then we may see that nobodys guilty...and there is only one. As you say.. trauma and suffering can be a gift..if we don't willow in it.. congratulations on finding the courage to express and live the truth.. it's never to late to break out... Off course one can remain silent 😶, say and do apparently all the right things.. or show integrity.. but truthful..and ask for help.. even from the universe
Yes, I believe I embodied a victim mentality for a long time because I didn't know any other way. But only at the rock bottom of desperation was I pushed to change my relationship with trauma rather than let it steal from me. I do believe men are often stifled from a young age from embracing a soft, vulnerable, sensitive heart. They're often so conditioned to repress and perform in their own ways that steals from their fullness. I see us as spiritual beings and trauma brings the portal of awakening, which can be a gift if we embrace it--which in and of itself can be a hard topic as we are all doing the best we can with what we are aware of. Thank you for your kind comment. I'm glad you're here.
You really had me until the “trauma is a gift.” As a sexual assault survivor and parent neglect survivor, I have to say… no. Some things are truly just horrible and should never have happened at all. Have I found my way past it and healed, yes. But I should *never* have had to. Ever. It wasn’t a gift.
You’re right—some things should never have happened. I've experienced similar trauma as you speak of and wrestled for so long over this statement. And I I am so sorry that these things happened to you. The idea that trauma is a “gift” can feel like a betrayal to the part of us that was deeply harmed, the part that never consented, abandoned or violated.
I do not ever honor the acts of trauma itself. ever. I would never wish it on anyone. But I do honor how it offered me a doorway to deeper awakening.
I came to a point in my life where I was so angry over how much trauma stole from me, I decided I'd reclaim it for my good. This is so nuanced and I often still work on how to talk about it.
I want to honor your truth, and the truths of so many women who carry those deep wounds. There is nothing sacred about harm. It was never deserved. And it wasn’t a necessary initiation. It just shouldn’t have happened.
In my post, I was trying to speak to the strength and reclamation that can emerge through it
But I completely receive how harmful it can feel to label the trauma itself as some kind of divine gift.
And how many people are never able to heal… I am so sorry you had to go through so many terrible things and i am happy for you finding your way past it. 🩷
I read this in the week i am starting to get to the regret I feel at 'wasted' years of not being myself, hiding and moulding myself to be acceptable and 'safe'. It could not be more gratefully received. I especially loved what you said about how trauma can be labelled as a gift. I wouldn't even consider mine to be 'bad enough' to label it trauma. And yet it has been life changing and left indelible marks that together with being in peri-meno hell have felt very far from gift like. In fact, I realise in writing this that maybe that's what I have been waiting for, some sort of epiphany that feels totally out of reach! Your reframing is beautifully helpful, thank you x
Clare, I totally resonate with peri-meno hell, as I'm there too! I lived for so long feeling 'robbed of a beautiful life because of things I went through. But that was a belief I held. Shifting my identity, healing my inner child, mind and body, I reprogrammed myself to believe every hard or horrible thing, every disadvantage, was going to become my advantage, my gift. The years of living under a mask and trauma helped me to unapologetically embrace my true self with so much more love, authority, and steadfastness. Those years will be to your advantage, Clare. I know it!! Thank you for your beautiful comment. You're on the cusp of a very powerful place in your life!
Thank you so much Katie. The healing the inner child is proving the tough bit but also the bit that's finally happening and I can feel a growing sense of liberation. I've just read this post again and young Clare thinks you're the best (all the Clares in fact 🤣) 🙏❤️
Gosh, you just made my day, Clare-You're the sweetest! And inner child work is my jam! I'll be writing more about this.
I appreciate your look at trauma. While I agree I would never wish trauma on anyone it does often a unique strength in ourselves.
Truth is no one gets out of this life without traumas. There are those that sway to acknowledging and healing their traumas. And there are those that sway to ignoring and denying traumas that end up it rippling out to others.
I always say everything in your life happened for your highest good IF you are willing to turn around and really look at it.
Thank you for your comment, MacFinnian. It is such a delicate, nuanced topic that deserves great care. At parts of my healing journey, I couldn't stomach the idea of trauma being anything but horrible. And it is. But it's also a portal, if we can move through that fire, to something so awakened and free. I want all women to know that power and to not be held back by the identity of the trauma. It's a hard conversation and I'm glad you're here.
I’m happy to be here witnessing and unfolding the trauma. I think it’s an important understanding that our trauma happened to us, but our trauma is not who we are. Though it unfolds shadows of protections and insecurities at some level we must fully see the lesson to understand. It’s normally something we never expected.
Wonderful 👍.. I highlight also what you wrote.. "even initiated each other into this vicious cycle".. so as you say.. it requires courage.. and recognizing that it's often fear, comfort, and even the familiarity of being a victim that imprisons.. not to say that the more right sided ego.. let's say male, Is right.. but also does not have it easy.. he may appear to be the cause of suffering.. but probably was never given the opportunity to have an open sensitive heart.. so let's close the gap..both yin and Yang is in us all.. we all need the courage to face our shadows..from whichever lack or conditioning they came from.. then we may see that nobodys guilty...and there is only one. As you say.. trauma and suffering can be a gift..if we don't willow in it.. congratulations on finding the courage to express and live the truth.. it's never to late to break out... Off course one can remain silent 😶, say and do apparently all the right things.. or show integrity.. but truthful..and ask for help.. even from the universe
Yes, I believe I embodied a victim mentality for a long time because I didn't know any other way. But only at the rock bottom of desperation was I pushed to change my relationship with trauma rather than let it steal from me. I do believe men are often stifled from a young age from embracing a soft, vulnerable, sensitive heart. They're often so conditioned to repress and perform in their own ways that steals from their fullness. I see us as spiritual beings and trauma brings the portal of awakening, which can be a gift if we embrace it--which in and of itself can be a hard topic as we are all doing the best we can with what we are aware of. Thank you for your kind comment. I'm glad you're here.